The Death of Lone Wolf - Part Two

Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter nine
Chapter ten

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Death of Lone Wolf:

14/10/98 - Weds - Bern (Switzerland) - The Eliot gig in Worb was well advertised, with a picture promo in the Tagblatt and a listing in the Berner Agenda. But the place for the gig was a small bar and the crowd not that large. But Philip played a good support, apart from the guitar being too quiet (I felt) and apart from a stupid rendition of "Puff the magic dragon" to finish the set. Maybe it was his way to highlight his private view of the audience, although the audience were probably more appreciative than he thought.
15/10/98 - Thurs - Now there is a crisis of decision. Whether to take a shower, then go to the centre...or whether to charge into the centre and soak up as much of the lunch hour as possible. It seems like it is going to be sunny, although there are clouds hanging around. But if I work these days up to the weekend right, I will have the chance of gaining my breakout money...ready to use that option if the Fate path points to it. As I feel the urgency to earn money (in a way that over rides other concerns) then it is likely to be a necessary thing.
I played three terraces on the Baren Platz for around 34sfr. My voice was in good, responsive state. But the terraces were not heavily populated, so it was not energy effective, though most tables gave.
It's gone two...and the sun is out, with only light, friendly is a Summer heat, with a mild breeze. Beautiful weather. Yet the Munster terrace is quiet. Maybe it is building up? Also, the Pyrenees terrace is out, but sparse in population. Another half hour, or hour...and both may be worth playing. Right now, my mind is on work, so it is useful to HAVE some work to do. There are no social distractions coming my way thus far, so my concentration remains on work.
I guess I have been used to (recently) moderate to good terraces, but the Munster was spoilt by the best balcony tables in the sun being filled by people with no perception of ambience. It was the shaded tables that people arriving had to sit on...and these people WERE responsive. But it was sparse all the same, and 15sfr was the poor result - despite a 5sfr drop. Anyhow, that takes me close to 50 for the day. Maybe I can improve on this, or even try Solothurn, or Fribourg, should Philip turn up.
I'm inclined toward Kehrsatz again tonight. My laundry is there...and I will need a shower when I get there. There wasn't time this morning.
This could be boring, but the chance to get ahead is here over the coming two days. To get the funds I need will be hard work...and my soul may mourn its isolation...but it may be necessary, because Monday looks like bad weather and it could be Fate requires me to have money for its next task.
The Pyrenees pulled in 10sfr. But the surprising star of the day was the Feller - and as early as half five. I pulled 30sfr from it. This takes me to 90 for the day, but playing further is a wearing thing on a psychological level. So meeting Philip, we agreed on an expedition to Fribourg. To get hidden in a duo would conserve my flagging energy. If the trip is successful, it would be the first practical opportunity I've had to use my Swiss bank account. It has been awhile since I've done that, but putting my earnings in there will help propel me to improve on this over these coming two days.
The way I see it, this period of good weather must not be wasted...or I will regret it. I can pick up the social script again on Saturday evening...or in between working periods.
If Evi or Sarah want me, they will find me. Otherwise I will catch up on them some time this weekend, or Monday, or whenever it happens so.
But it could be coming time for Antwerp. There will be sadness about that for me, because it is the death of this present Brian in Bern. I will be re-born in Antwerp, but this Bernese visit has been especially rich on a soul level...and it is sad to die and leave so many loved people behind. But maybe one or two of these loved souls will appear in my next life in Antwerp.
From happiness to sorrow - from sorrow to happiness. In my overall life structure, it represents living life to the full. Anyhow, my re-birth in Bern seems certain to occur at some point....early next year, probably.
Meanwhile, I had a brief re-birth in Fribourg, playing a duo with Philip. Unfortunately, the first bar we usually play there was having a gig. But the other three bars were playable, so we played them. It worked out around 20sfr each per bar. But at least I kept my working vigil. My energy for solo work had sagged a little.
So, a 150 day. But I must have spent around 40.
As we had to hang around for the last train, we went for a drink in the first bar. The gig was 'Bonjour chez vous' and it cost an extra franc for a beer. But this was amply made up for when the bar owner came over to offer us food. He came back with a plate full of salami, ham, bacon, salad and bread. With our toasted sandwich at O'neils, that covered the dinner problem well enough.
If it's possible, I will try to earn at least the same ammount tomorrow. Added to Saturday (during the day) it may leave me the green light for Antwerp...or even fire me toward a solid financial nest egg to make it easier to co-ordinate my plans.
As the Fribourg train departed from Bern, I received a warm energy signal. My mind shifted to Sarah. I guess she must have got home by then. But I would not be traceable.
My mind is centred on work. It isn't conducive to have to deal with moody females and a place you can't get into , because you have no key. So, despite the long distance out, Kehrsatz fits the bill best this week...and if Philip and I head to Solothurn tomorrow night, we will check out Barbara there...and see whether we can overnight at her place.
If the weather proves good on Saturday, we can hit the day time Solothurn terraces - and maybe I can establish Barbara's place as an option for myself, or for Evi, if we ever get to Solothurn sometime.
In some areas, Evi has met my criteria for others, not so well. I will have to see how she shapes up and how she responds to my emotional testing before I can place her confidently as the female spearhead of my 'family'. I suspect she will come through, but the long, difficult precess of shaping up Philip involved many periods of distance and schism. The real shaping up needs to come from within them.
Evi must learn to recognise roses, not wild flowers, as desirable for attention.
16/10/98 - Fri - But she is completely incapable of this, it seems. So now I understand the urgency in the Fate path to pull in money during this limited spell of good conditions. I have my answer to "Wild Wolf"... and to the questions imposed by this trip.

THE DEATH OF LONE WOLF (PART TWO) - As Lone Wolf is torn apart - anger leads to sorrow, creativity and remorse - which leads into a soul inspiring re-birth.

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