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tale of Uptown Suzy
The Societies within me
The Missing Link?
Early August - 1998 - Bern, Switzerland (an
excerpt from the diaries of Brian Pearce
it's half six and I sit in the Manora in Bern. MJ, Danny and Tina are
on their way back to Antwerp and they should be north of Basle....into France
by now. There is a strange conflict of identity within me as the social structure efforts of
the past weeks led to the immense reward of a free excursion to Rome. Such an action was MJ's
wish..and I knew this...alongside the unspoken expectation of good energy he sought to enjoy his
holiday. At times, it seemed Tina didn't appreciate the beauty of MJ's gesture toward us on this
holiday, until Thursday night exploded into bad tempers within the circle of Sylvano, MJ and
Tina. The setting for the conflict was a square that, in ancient times, was the stage for Roman chariot
races. Today, it is a place for terraces and hanging out.
After feasting on Pizza and wine on a terrace restaurant in Tresatavori we
promenaded, after midnight, past some of the architectural wonders of Rome. Then came the fracas as
we seated ourselves on a terrace in the chariot square. It was a long wait, until Sylvano lost
patience and asked the waiter for service. The waiter, a shade irritable after no doubt a long
hot night's work, appeared to lack in politeness informing Sylvano the place had closed.Sylvano's Latin
blood fired, and he argued with the waiter to the point of standing up and squaring up to him. This
made MJ annoyed and he got up and left for the next terrace. The entourage followed, with
Sylvano seeking to justify his anger to MJ, who was not in the least wanting to discuss it.
A waiter on the next terrace moved a chair, probably accidentally, against Tina's leg. Sylvano, with
an anti-waiter mood in full flow, rounded on this waiter. The waiter responded angrily back...and the
argument was dispersed by the other waiters and manager.
We had our drinks, but the half of the table that represented Danny, Raquel, the twins and I sat
passively listening to Sylvano justifying his new source of anger, while MJ was urging him, with
annoyance, to drop the whole thing. Tina, disturbed by the energy of the argument, sought to
change the subject by asking MJ who were the minorities of Italy.
MJ, exasperated by Sylvano, responded to Tina with a joke. Tina lacked the ability to appreciate this because she
evidently wanted a serious, weighted answer. So her moody response to the joke was met ny an angered
response from MJ. He complained about the difficulty of seeking to interpret so many languages
since the holiday began. The message, basically, was that Sylvano's verbal diahorrea was
enough without ' trying to think of how many Iranians there were in Italy.'
In addition, he was at breaking point with Tina's constant down energy
about 'this' or 'that.'
Tina, always ready to take umbrage at MJ, naturally took umbrage at MJ and
came to sit on the passive side of the table. She rebutted any conciliatory efforts by MJ,
saying he was drunk and that it was pointless talking to him until the morning. The agitated entourage
made to leave eventually. But as we were going the waiter was, naturally, waiting to re-convene
his argument with Sylvano.......Sylvano was only too happy to oblige and very soon it was heated
enough to threaten violence.
Not understanding too much of what it was all about I stood close by
Sylvano...alert for escalation of thuings. The waiters were busy restraining, or
pulling away, the angry waiter. But neither party were willing to surrender the final word.
Then, curiously, I had the sudden awareness of having my guitar on my back..and that if I
was drawn into fracas it might get broken. It was the same instinct as the one I had when two
muggers were about to make a violent move on me back in December,95 [Antwerp.] At that time it was
a CS Gas attack. This time it was the waiter flinging a punch at Sylvano. The punch was hard,
but more side...backhand...maybe more a slap. But Sylvano has a solid neck and head. He
didn't even flinch.
It could have been war, because a counter-attack by Sylvano or an interception by MJ, Danny or me may have
meant the waiters would cease their neutrality and defend their own.
Instead, it was Tina, like a tigress, throwing herself at the waiter and forcing him against a
wall. The waiter was probably cowed by this, because his sense of macho
confronting Sylvano's sense of macho had been neutralised....and he was faced by a tigress. Any attempt to
injure her would probably bring everyone down on him.
The whole thing was reduced to Sylvano and the waiter seeking the last word, but from a distance, as the waiters took
full control of their over re-acting work mate. But Sylvano continued to want to go back and 'have
it out' until MJ , in an explosion of anger he has never been led to, turned round and screamed, "Tu!
This drew people from all over the
square to look curiously at this modern gladiatorial verbal duel.
Sylvano argued back. He would
probably have argued with himself if he stumbled across a mirror. MJ
stormed back to his car... in open
schism with Sylvano. Reaching his car MJ got in and locked the doors, saying, "I am letting NO ONE in here!"
" I don't care who you let in the car," I exclaimed,
" But you must not drive! You've drunk too much!"
This sank in and he handed the keys to Danny, "See? Danny has the keys!
I can not drive!"
The conflicts represented by Sylvano
and Tina took the other car back. Eventually, the passive adult contingent of Danny and I joined MJ in his car, and
Raquel drove the car back to the appartment in
the suburbs. Once there, MJ and Sylvano hugged and made their peace.
MJ and I sat up in the kitchen
into the early hours, imbibing beer and talking through the whole thing.
"I want a holiday," complained MJ,
"It is my wish to take both you and Tina down here to Rome. I don't ask for much! Only that people will be nice to me. But
Tina..... I give her this, I give her that...but she gives nothing back."
Sadly, that seems often true. The material energy offered by MJ has
often been met by a negative stream
of energy-almost inadvertently by Tina. She would say negative things
about the trip, about excursions,
about places and people in a way that deflates the energy of others.It
must sound accusatory to MJ. I
equally have annoyances regarding her. But things can remain
neutral...or they can be healthily
catalysed. Tina does this very well...healthy or otherwise. But the
true reward for MJ, Tina and myself
is the release of energy within the soul.
- Heaven - Zolar - Astral - The Wall
A new song is written in 1998, and as the journal analyses its textual
message it drifts to a remarkable conclusion that could comprehensively
explain our actions and unveil the reason why shared belief is so
TO HEAR THE SONG DEMO OF "THE WALL":
Excerpt from Labyrinth Busker Journal (written over the period
09/03/98 - Mon - Berne (Switzerland) - If a song doesn't take shape
quickly, it usually follows the song isn't worth persevering with...
because the end result will reflect the forced nature of the creation.
All afternoon, I sought to shape "The Wall" with a chorus ready
settled. But nothing else would bite. No chord sequence appealed. No
In the end, I stuck to a simple idea (at least, so far) of transposing
the chorus sequence for the verses with an ad-libbing melody seeking to
highlight the cynicism of the song. Perhaps there is a background
influence of the 'Doors', with maybe a little Dylan, in the method of
The words reflect the mundane existence of living without any intensity
of emotional stimulation. From the highs and lows of passion to the
level drabness of what might be considered as a sensible balance. With
such a thing the mind takes over... and the soul (bored) goes to sleep.
As people are growing increasingly isolated from each other in direct
interaction within modern society (it is in the interests of commercial
and media third parties that this should happen) they are left to seek
artificial stimulation by plugging into other people's doings (local,
national or worldwide).
Thus they become impassioned with indignance, sorrow or joy through the
media. For example: the results of your favourite football team matter
But through all of this artificial, non-interactive stimulation the
underlying feature is helplessness to make any difference. Simply
relief when someone says, or does, something we want - and frustration
when someone says, or does, something we don't want.
But when we feel love and ACTIVELY ride the roller coaster of
experience, our lives take on a key significance. Each failed affair,
however, makes the next one a little harder to believe. It doesn't mean
you wouldn't try, but the cynic inside is less easily fooled.
Gerhard told me, "We all have our systems for living."
Most people discover a system that works within their lives. That is
fine..... but dangerous and irresponsible to then insist their system
is workable for all.
Every situation has its own story. So whatever issue that comes to the
fore (eg. divorce, abortion, corporal punishment, smoking, equality
etc... etc) should be freely discussed, but if you find yourself too
firmly entrenched in the 'right wing' or 'left wing' school of thought
I would recommend a double check inside yourself.....
ARE YOU HAVING AN ARTIFICIAL LOVE AFFAIR?
HOW BIG IS THAT WALL INSIDE YOU?
Moralistic zealots (social, political, religious) seek to convert the
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE THE REST OF THE WORLD BELIEVING THE SAME
Quite often, it is because there is personal or economic gain to be
had, or the acquisition of increased power for your 'beloved' (your
cause or belief). Sometimes, it is because of narrow existence.
The desire could also arise through harrowing experience, in which case
the 'beloved' acts as a defensive wall.
But the aim of a Christian zealot (example) would assumedly be to turn
the world Christian. Does he believe (truly) the world will be saved
should this aim come to pass? Virtually everyone in Northern Ireland is
WHY THIS PRESSING URGENCY TO HAVE EVERYONE BELIEVE MORALISTICALLY THE
SAME AS YOU?
In the esoteric 'world' of Zolar it was claimed that the Astral plane
contained several layers (levels) - and that souls, after death, will
eventually ascend to the level where their beliefs become true. What
they expected to see is what they see (in essence).
Thus, there is a Heaven for Christians, another for Muslims, another
for Jews... and a Heaven for each different variant (Catholic, Shia,
As for beliefs that are given little credence these days (eg. Roman
Gods, Valhalla, Mithras, etc)... these Heavens are now very much
depopulated. Almost no one believes in them anymore.
IF SUCH AS THIS IS TRUE, THEN IT WOULD MOTIVATE SOULS CONSIDERABLY TO
ENSURE THEIR RELIGION OR BELIEF IS NOT DESERTED.
If the self conscious were perfect there would be no need of religion
or social, political morals.... because, being perfect, everything we
do will be perfectly correct.
But we're not perfect.
So we need our systems and beliefs to guide us. But, without love (and
its by-product emotions), we would not even need a personal code of
moral behaviour. We wouldn't care about anyone, or anything, other than
ourselves. In a sense, we would be perfect..... because we would do
everything predictably, including 'becoming extinct' after 'Adam and
The imperfection that sees humans prosper is love, with all its
unpredictable 'emotional side-effects'... positive or negative. Even
'Hate' can be beneficial.
People had to hate the idea of slavery to be motivated toward
And there is the answer....
It is 'Love', or its side effects, that demands a pressing urgency to
have everyone believe moralistically the same as you.
The tale of
Societies within me
|The Tale of Uptown Suzy
THE CACHE OF '95
An electric year
Labyrinth, yet sketchily documented. All that remains of a powerful,
emotion-charged year for Brian is the randomly scrambled cache, through
lyrics or narrative.
The tale of
Early June, 1995 - Antwerp - When I got back to England (from Ireland) I had to get
up to London 3 times before I could get my passport... and
then, only a temporary one because they said they had to do checks
(which took about 3 weeks). So, as I said I needed one urgently they
gave me a 6 month passport (a full one)... but to get the remaining
nine and a half years I would have to take it to the Consul in Antwerp.
I earmarked November for doing that.
When I returned to Antwerp I
that Char had fallen to pieces the very next day after I had left for
Ireland (to see my 4 and a half year old daughter). Ruana was tied up
with her exams... and I was away.
Back in Antwerp and I left a note
apartment buzzer, and a while later she came and found me.
She had ended up in hospital and
couldn't remember why.... and she would tell me me very little because,
she said, "It would make me emotional."
Friends told me she'd been going
asking, "Have you seen Brian?" the Saturday before my return. I had
said I wanted to be back by then, but that blasted
meant I had to stay the weekend in England at my brother's.
Over the next three or four days
pulled herself together, but she had the 'shakes' quite obviously.
Meanwhile, the weather was
and the ten days away without being able to work, plus a very expensive
phone bill, plus what I owed before leaving for Ireland... left me
about £200 in debt to the household. By the end of the first week
back however, Jena had got the job of renovating the new Musiekdoos
premises. She wanted an extra hand to help her and she asked me. I
jumped at the chance. So, together, we started to straighten out the
new premises... painting, stripping, cleaning etc.. It was about
£4+ an hour and I thought it would be a way of clearing my debts.
Soon, we were needing an extra
Char was in financial difficulty. So I arranged for her to come and
help also. Everything seemed to come together perfectly.... but (at the
same time) I tried to keep Char as close by as possible....
But that was so tiring.
or 3 days I just had to have an early night.
The next day, she didn't come into
until mid-day. Fortunately, I was the only person working that
"Where were you last night?" she asked.
Well... I had said to her
likely to stay in, but she's not too good on remembering details.
So, she explained, "I'd gone down to the Elephant... and Bennie was there
- and we'd gone out to the night shop and well...... I leave the rest
to your imagination.... I'm sorry!"
I sat down on a stool, and said, "Well... are you two going out?"
"I don't know!" she answered, confused.
"Well... I said you needed
boyfriends....do you want me to stay out of the way for awhile?"
I stood up and walked partway
room. She looked up from where she was sitting on a bar stool...
"Please give me a hug!" she said, imploringly.
Without hesitation, I marched over
give her the sort of hug only love can bring....
"I was hoping it wouldn't be so
suppose," I informed her, "But whatever... what we are to each other is more
than mere boyfriend and girlfriend.... well, I hope so. That's why we
need to find out! In a year, maybe two, we will find out what we are...
what we should be to each other. Meanwhile... please give
me a hug!"
And so we hugged once more.
"Do you still want to go to the
and the gig tonight with me? I asked.
When I called at her place, she
wasn't there. I tried a little later... she wasn't there.
Now I was angry. I could take one
in a day, not two things.
The next day, she didn't come to
I felt bad, because I had
asked Jena for Char to come and work with us, while friends were all
clamouring to get in on the job. By the end of the day I was in a black
mood. I told myself I had reached my limit with Char....
About five she arrived. I ignored
She spoke to Jena and Etienne, the
owner... "Probably after her money," I thought, "Let her pick
it up and go! I'll just ignore her."
But she came over to me, and
asking if I was ok. I was abrupt with my answers, because I'd already
resolved to tell her to get out of my life.
The thought of saying that to her
thing... when she's not there. But I couldn't say such a thing when
faced with her. It would be like telling my left hand to go away.
I fumed with impotent rage, and
held silence on this resolution. When I answered her questions, it was
virtually through my teeth. It was pointless to carry on working....
I said, "I
am leaving now,"
"Do you want to come for a drink?"
There was real courage in the way
she persisted with me, despite my obvious anger. But there was
something, even through that anger, that I could feel coming from her:
On the walk to Molly's we walked
silence. I walked one step ahead and she followed... and I loved her
all the more for that. I really mattered to her. In Molly's, I went to
the remotest table and sat down. Char went to the bar to get the
drinks. She came and sat down, knowing... I guess... as, in tears of
grief and twitching anger, I began my tirade. With a wonderful
patience, she explained what had gone wrong the night before.
My tirade soon turned into
about our puzzling bond, which was (and is) so strong, yet so
"Do you want to hurt me?" I'd asked.
At another point I told her how I
even looking for sex from 'groupies' the previous night...
"It doesn't satisfy,"she calmly noted.
[Ouch!!!] - She was telling me not
what I had tried so hard to get her not to do. That's why I was so
pleased I was the first to make love to her in this respect. It was
'love', not 'sex'.
"Know I am always there for you," said Char, emphatically.
"Are you?" I
I know what she really meant and
she was saying.... because she was (and is)... and always will be there
- wherever and whatever we are.
As the conversation lightened she
more and more into my eyes - and my eyes met her all the way. Amidst
this exhilaration, it felt as though her soul wanted to be sure of
mine. Her soul was silently asking me questions. It puzzled me a bit at
the time, but then I didn't know.... she was saving up the biggest
"Come and visit me tomorrow
night," she requested.
Who was there? Yes, Bennie. The
of us sat uncomfortably in her room. Bennie and I talked a little. Char
sat on her chair like a queen; a sort of arrogant pose. Bennie was a
friend of mine, but I resented his presence. I wanted to talk with Char
She asked if I'd play a song, so I
"Oh, why don't you play something
cheerful!?!" Char snapped.
The queen was not amused....
In all the time I'd known Char she
never criticised my choice of music. I resented her manner and felt
uncomfortable with the whole atmosphere.
Bennie then suggested we go to the
Musiekdoos for a drink. Fine! Get out of the room! We went outside and
along the Oude Koorn.... just briefly, Bennie put his arm around
Char... and I saw red...
It's one thing to tell Char she
boyfriends; it's another thing to see it.
Some other guy joined us and
talk to Bennie. Char slowed down until she was walking with me...
"Are you and Bennie all lovey
dovey?" I asked in an even voice.
"Ah! We're just going for a
drink!" she replied, dismissively.
"Yeah, I know! But are you and
going out with each other?"
"Erm... I don't know..." she replied, uncomfortably, "I think so."
"Then I'm not going to the Doos!" I asserted.
She re-acted in full shock.
"Why not?!?" She danced in agitation, as if to say [how can I ever please this guy?]
A strange response.
"I said you needed boyfriends! I
have to see it!!!" I blurted out angrily.
My jealousy had taken me over. Both of her hands came to her face...
she shook her head and retreated into a shop alcove, leaning against a
window in nervous distress. It was obvious she loved me by her
re-actions... and I loved her so much.... but the hurt
of the previous two days were cutting me alongside the thought that I
would lose Char so quickly and well... the sheer jealousy.
Then I even started thinking of my
vanity. I can't forgive myself that! But so many people knew about Char
and me. The loss of face I'd have felt walking into the Doos with Char
and Bennie... and then seeing Bennie cuddling up to Char....
would have been too much.
My image had been of Char having
two anonymous, and innocuous, boyfriends - not one of my
friends. My whole strategy with Char was to achieve everything quietly.
Now the whole of Antwerp seemed to know.....
But I loved her! I went to her.
shaking in shock, her hands held to her face still. I took her hands,
regained control, and said, "It's all
right! You need this!"... my eyes went
cryptic.... "I'll see you again... one
Then, probably, we hugged... and
started onward to the Doos. But, briefly, she turned back, saying, "I'll call you!"
Maybe the cynic within me said, "Sure you will!", but the
soul was grateful for the words... even though she wouldn't call:
that's not her way (at least with phones). She 'called' me
(telepathically) a few hours later, and it was one of the sweetest
'calls' I've ever had, but it had nothing to do with phones.
Char left for the Doos, while I
into bars and streets looking for some life... something to take away
the sheer panic and grief and pain eating me up.... [I didn't mean it, Char! I take it back!!! Tomorrow I'm
going to say I was wrong! I'm going to say forget about boyfriends!!!!]
But then I thought... [well! The die is cast. Now it is fingers crossed and
hope I've got everything right.]
And then I'd think... [but what if she has a jealous boyfriend? I may never
be able to see her! That can't be right! I love her too much not to see
her!!! .... The DIE IS CAST, fingers crossed... the plan is in
motion.... I love you, Char - I may lose you forever if I'm wrong!!!
I'm so jealous.... so jealous...I've never felt as jealous in
all my life! Char is MINE!!! Tomorrow, I'll see her! We'll talk this
After a couple of hours of
restlessness, not even able to go to my local bar (the Doos) and meet
my friends... because they were in there... I wandered home
and lay on my bed - and tears found their way through. I was so
distressed, and then... 7 or 8 in the morning... she 'called', sweeping
my body with reassurance... "trust me".... "always there". For a long time I felt her, and then I slept
Once awake, I got up and
for coffee... "Hi Jena".... and all that...
"I saw Char down the Doos last
night," said Jena.
"Yeah! I suppose there's a story."
"Indeed! She said she was off to
o'clock this morning....."
My face probably went white. I
to believe it!
"... I can't blame her! She's only
she'll enjoy herself!"
"Did she say when she'll come
back?" I put in, hopefully.
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be back by
November.... when the weather changes. People always are."
"I'm gonna phone Ruana!" I said, sickened. It was fortunate Ruana had given me
her number just before I left for Ireland... in case I got trapped and
couldn't get back. Did Ruana know? I hoped not, because then I wouldn't
feel that I was the specific target.
"Hello Ruana? .... erm...Jena just
me Char is off to Spain. Do you know anything about this?"
"Yes, Brian... she's only going
for 3 or
4 weeks. Don't worry, she'll be all right..."
Ruana knew.... I was thinking, "Don't worry, she'll be all right? What the shite is
that in Flemish? Get the hell out of her cloud?"
Ruana had become very silent and I
reading this re-action as that of "Why
are you bothering me about this? We've had our joke on you; now
My grief-stricken soul reduced my
to a croak, as I said, "I see....." .... still silence from Ruana - and then I trawled
out, "....Bye, Ruana." just before dazedly placing the phone down.
So it seemed like collusion. It
the 'family' had rejected me and done everything they could to
discredit me in Antwerp. That is how it seemed.
I felt myself slowly dying inside
just wishing it would be faster. I don't actually know if it's possible
to direct your entire will and energy into stopping your heart from
working - probably not, because I tried.... and I tried very hard.
Such intensity of loss within the
Well, yes, I was so far away from Rachel, my daughter, but that was
something beyond our present power and will. We both wanted and loved
But Char was like a spiritual
'daughter', even a 'mother', in terms of emotional linkage. It
was so important that I had worked out those emotional linkage patterns
between us. At least that way I was able to recognise the sheer
contradiction that raged within me, forming a life threatening soul
sickness. What could have been an impossible thing to comprehend was
made sketchily understandable by those role linkages.
The Father said, "She needs this! It will do her good. It will make her
stronger." The Father even smiled at the
idea of his daughter "taking a big step
forward; sorting out her life."
But the Son?
The Son followed the Father's
because it was the most promising way of "always
having Mother around"
So, Char leaving for Spain without
physical word or letter? Just leaving as though I didn't exist?
The emotional re-action to that is
awesomely powerful. It bites at the soul... and the soul refuses to
co-operate in helping the mind keep the organic computer (that we all
When I walked anywhere (over the
day or so), I walked with my hand trying to stench the blood from a
wound in my chest. I was partly doubled over, as though someone had
landed a fist in my stomach. At times it was worse than that, because
it felt as though someone had used that fist to enter my body and pull
out a part of my soul.
In retrospect, it was an important
experience, because through it I came to appreciate the severe
emotional damage a child may feel if a parent should reject them - or
if they feel rejected. Now I really understood Char's
re-action to her mother's emotional rejection when she was 15 - about
the dangers of this within Rachel - and the mysterious collapse of Char
when I left for Ireland.
Char really did believe I was
reconcile my marriage and not come back. She wanted her adoptive
'parents', Ruana and I... and we weren't there. But she kept in there
until the Saturday that I'd said I had wanted to be back by. I didn't
get back, because of that blasted passport.
So she just OD'ed and ended up in
hospital - and Bennie, no doubt, was the one who found her in that
condition.... and (who knows?)... maybe saved her life.
When I'd come back from England
was Monday morning, after overnight travel. I took my time settling
back into Antwerp. It was not until the early evening of the next day
that I finally went into town to call on Char. No answer.
Tried later. No answer.
I didn't panic. I'd catch up with
But then the Tarot indicated something bad may have happened...
Then I worried.
The next day I made sure I was up
to catch her before she went out, and wrote a note to leave if I did
miss her. So we arrive back to the beginning of this epistle....
The tale of
Societies within me
Part One - The
Antigone to 'Black Sheep' values
It is 1999 - and the journal
to two different inputs ( from a friend, and from a news article in the
a courageous professor and his
in Iran) and applies the mechanism of 'White sheep/Black sheep' onto the
01/11/1999 - Antwerp, Belgium -
.....It is curious that Evi and Gill have
both outlined to
me their personal perception of
their present persona.
Evi told me the story of Antigone,
and how this persona (and her actions) appealed to Evi's present view
Antigone seems to be absent
'Mythic Tarot' book, and this surprises me... because Antigone doesn't
unfamiliar to me. The story itself
wonderful outline of the 'White sheep' world... and the paradox and
'Black sheep' instill on it.
Without the 'Black sheep' the
sheep' world would be completely ordered, and (unchallenged) its
would become tyranny.
Iran became a place where
overthrow of the Shah and coming to power of Ayatollah Khomeni) laws
only platform for behaviour.
told what they are, what they must do, what they must wear and what they
'Black sheep' are public enemy no.
such 'White sheep' displays of enforced conformity. The 'Black sheep'
with peril, exile, acquiescence or
underground defiance. As with all countries that collapse into
extremist 'White sheep'
administration, the fightback must
made by 'White sheep' pragmatists... or by 'Black sheep' who bravely
walk the line,
testing how far they can go in
to regain freedom of expression...testing their leeway to challenge
moral paradoxes caused by the
imperfection of unbending administration.
Today, I read a news column
claimed that Iranian students are facing a possible death penalty for
participating in a
play that ('White' zealots claim)
disparages the Twelfth Imam. The professor counter claims that the play
does not disparage
the Imam - it disparages (and
the hypocrisy and corruption of certain Iranian pressure groups
Probably, it is these groups who
their influence to protect their power... so they loudly demand the
death penalty for
the 'blaspheming' students.
The President of Iran (perhaps
with a softish edge) is seeking to project a country moving away from
fanaticism, back into a country
tolerant and pragmatic (in gradual evolvement). But the hard liners
fight every inch
of the way... and these students
presented before a hard line court, because the courts are controlled
by hard liners.
They would be (naturally) found
of 'blasphemy' and the government administration, anxious to avoid
may simply wash their hands (like
Pontius Pilate) of something they have no inclination to be compromised
Antigone chose to openly defy
'White sheep' laws of her country - and her death brought strong
She challenged the belief of
with her own belief.. and death did not remove the idea of her belief.
had to look at itself - more so,
While she was alive, she was on an
apparent island with her belief.... seemingly within the administration
control. But the memory of her
after her death is something the administration would find hard to
The memory would remain in those
knew her, in those who sympathised with her, and in those who
challenged her yet
felt equally challenged within
Society is forced to re-assess its
attitude and its resultant senses of right and wrong.
A law that seemed right and
suddenly becomes illustrated as wrong, because it can not adapt itself
to every situation or
'Black sheep' can be moral,
or amoral; they can be open, or locked into belief. They cause Society
oppressed, or liberal.
This is either through their
influence, because the power points of Society chose to believe them...
or indirectly, because power
Society feel threatened by the challenge to its dogmatic entrenchment.
But 'Black sheep' who seek to
their creative patch by discrediting all other 'Black sheep'? This can
lead to an
intolerant 'White sheep' Society,
free thought is suppressed and banished.
'Black sheep' should be free to
express themselves - and people should be free to view the expression.
But for all of
us who undertake the mantle of
'White sheep' (whether it is for all our lives, or part of it), we must
that no one should be taken as the
knowing harbinger of truth. We must remember that administration should
communal effort to make a land
(inner and outer) for all its peoples, and its guests. To seek this
oppressing neighbouring lands, or
oppressed by them.
Such a balance is a hard thing.
Actually, it is impossible.
Which is why we always have to be
challenged... and why laws should be open to compromise, and revision.
Dogmatic administration always
But this whole monologue is
opening a door and seeing more than can be possibly summarised. I tried
on something that seemed simple.
while I wrote, I discovered I was out of my depth... to the point where
swim in any direction and be sure
the right one.
Isn't this just the definition of
To be able to see you can't see
Nonetheless, despite swimming in
water I was able to swim.
So if swimming is possible?
exploration is possible... in whatever direction I choose... and taking
direction that may seem more
Isn't this the basic reality of
In some directions, there lurk
In others, there will be food. We need to recognise the monsters and
direction in time. We need to find
food. It will be eaten, and more food must be found. Monsters that
one place and are a natural
of taking a certain direction need to be noted - and that path avoided.
But mobile monsters can appear in
Shut up, Brian!!!
I can't hope to unravel any of
Because I am made up (inner and
of 'White sheep' and 'Black sheep' impulses and viewpoints. In myself,
are whole Societies, where 'White
and 'Black sheep' interaction has led to dogmatic or liberal nations,
oppression or free expression are
place. All of this is inside me.
When I interact with another
person I am
interacting with someone who also has their own inner and outer
Their nations and Societies will
reached differing conclusions in comparison to mine...
I, myself, am made up (on inner and outer levels) of White
Sheep and Black sheep impulses and viewpoints. In myself, there are
whole societies where
White Sheep and Black Sheep interaction has led to dogmatic or liberal
nations. Nations where
oppression and free expression are in place.
this is inside me.
interact with another person, I am interacting with someone who has
their own inner and
outer societies. Their nations, or societies, will have reached
differing evolutions from my nations,
the other person and I meet... and the way we respond to each other is
via the universe of inner
nations within our independent bodies. The oppression and free
expression of all these nations
will formulate my psyche, and the psyche of the other person.
analysis of two people meeting is impossible to completely undertake,
because it would require
an analysis of each and every inner and outer society in both our
bodies and minds. We would
probably find this same complexity facing us if we were to attempt to
analyse just one of
these inner societies.
I may even find myself inhabiting a place called Earth... and writing
I am... looking out at the Universe and wondering about it, only to be
looking at something
that is actually inside me. Imagine it:
all inside each other, looking at a Universe that is ourselves, other
people, other forms...
and what is outside is inside... and either journey is eternal, whether
we look inside or outside.
a little thing I concocted yesterday may give an idea of my line of
thought concerning two
people meeting, and the result:
The tale of
Societies within me
Jim meets Jane and thinks:
Jane meets Jim and thinks:
musing thoughts. One from Jim. One from Jane.... but each word in each
sentence represents an association with bacterial societies within Jim
and Jane. These societies have their own needs and priorities and,
quite possibly, morality. So let's take a quantum leap and analyse each
word in each sentence and allocate it to bacterial or genetic nations
within Jim and Jane, as a measure of aspiration:
triggered inner nations of Jim:
IS (a nation sure of its identity)
LOVE (a nation that cares)
SIMPLY (a nation that wants easy answers
LONGINGS (a nation that sees opportunity
AND (a nation seeking unity)
REMEMBERED (a nation feeling contrition)
TEARS (the nation that suffered from
MELTING (a nation blending with another)
AS (a nation keen to emulate or imitate
IRON (a nation under dictatorial
The triggered inner nations of Jane:
WHERE - a nation seeking direction
GOES - a nation taking a chosen path
OUR - a nation asserting possession
LOST - a nation defeated
DREAMS - a nation with unrealistic
IN - an ethnic nation within a
OUR - a nation asserting possession
HEART'S - a nation with clear purpose
FORGING - a nation under construction
SHAPE - a nation questioning its construction
thoughts of Jim and Jane emerge thus:
"Is where love goes simply our longings lost and dreams remembered in
tears our melting hearts, as forging iron, shape?"
leave it to you to pick out what is being said, but with two people
meeting and facing a prospect
of interaction? Or during the process of interaction?
two people will project individual questions like these constantly and
both individual questions
will constantly merge into a joint question - and all at a rapid pace,
faster than the conscious
mind can absorb.
is a second or so to analyse both questions - and the jointly conceived
the new question only a question. It has suggestion.
Every second the two people interact (whether they speak, or not) there
is a question from
each, moulding together into a new question with elements of suggestion.
WORD IS A NATION, implying the aspiration (or concentration) of that
This not only makes it utterly impossible to fully know another person,
it also makes it utterly impossible to know yourself. We are a
compendium of the nations inside us and the nations inside us are ever
|The Missing Link
The tale of
Societies within me
A tv documentary looked at
breakthroughs in epigenetic research. The mystery was: What switched a
gene on or off and why?
The breakthroughs proved that
a link between ancestral experiences and our present bodies - and that
our environmental experience could be memorised and passed on to our
grandchildren. Famine for the grandfather could mean Diabetes in the
A switched off gene in a rat that
caused by a heavy dose of insecticide would remain switched off in the
rat's offspring several generations on to the point of 85%.
But the question of what causes
switch on and off, or to go missing, remains unanswered as far as I can
see. Unless you look at the 15% of rat offspring who were unaffected by
the insecticidal inheritance. This is where the "Societies within us"
The microbes within us are
what our bodies intake. My suggestion is that it is these microbes who
switch genes on or off - and the insecticide may have annihilated, or
radically de-populated the microbes responsible for a gene. The 15%
suggests these microbes are capable of recovery over time.
In simple terms, there could be a
that is the sole producer and exporter of sugar. If the insecticide
decimates this nation, then the rest of the world will not receive its
accustomed supply of sugar. If the nation is unaffected and in fact
gains benefits from the insecticide, the sugar export will increase to
the point where other nations are taking an unhealthy ammount of it. If
there is a nation that acts as a custom point to prevent such a surfeit
- and if this nation is decimated by the insecticide?
Then even if the sugar producer
stable, the lack of a custom point would lead to uncontrolled export of
sugar to the other nations
from Veritas, a broken fragment from their former world.
'human' microbes released amongst the cosmic dust
and fragments of two
asteroids colliding in space 8.2 million years ago?
Report in the "Daily Mirror" - 21/01/2006
These microbes would be able to survive at extremely
local time conditions (temperature) and would thrive and replicate at a
faster local time condition (38 degreesC ). Given time, they will
displace or dominate the microbe culture within many species and
ultimately control the information and formation within sperm and egg.
Not all members of the species indigenous to this planet would have
succumbed to the microbe invasion borne by the cosmic dust, but the
eventual product of the asteroid 'invasion' would include our human
"The percentage of relationship in
hominid family tree ("based on genetic and anatomical factors between
apes, humans and their ancestors" ) is:
100% - Human
97% - Chimpanzee
96% - Gorilla
93% - Orang-utan
90% - Gibbon
88% - Rhesus Monkey
87% - Vervet Monkey
58% - Galago" *
This would suggest that the microbes from the asteroid collision
constitute a minimum of 3% of our microbe culture.
It also suggests that there are cultures within us that could survive a
complete destruction of this planet and maintain a slower existence
upon the asteroid fragments that would emerge from the broken planet.
Another question would be: What is the fastest time speed (hottest
environment) that can be borne by these cultures with us?
Our lack of fur suggests that the previous planet inhabited by these
cultures (or previous Sun) was a great deal warmer. As a result, it
could be that the "alien invasion" failed in all but the warmest
regions of this planet initially.
But look at us today and see how we have dealt with the
* Chronicles of the World -